What's Your Problem?

“Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours…‘ (Luke 15:25-31)

After I had my second child, my mother told me, “Whatever you do for one child, you have to do for the other. If you don’t, one will be jealous.” My mother was true to those words. My two siblings and I were treated the same, received the same and, to our chagrin, punished the same. We were never jealous of each other because we all shared the same benefits as a family. When one made an accomplishment, we rejoiced together. It was a nice, happy world.

In the parable of the prodigal son, I was always puzzled over that older brother who was so angry with his father. I thought, “Why didn’t his dad take care of him, too?” I blamed his father for not treating him fairly. My mother’s words were the explanation—he didn’t do for his older son what he did for his younger son so that’s why he was jealous. I thought the one that was loyal and faithful would be the one who received more celebration. That would seem fair…at least in my estimation. It wasn’t just the alleged favoritism to the younger son that bothered me. What made it unnerving was the father’s purported attempt to explain it away saying—you’re always here so you already get everything. He might as well have said, “What’s your problem?”

Has anyone ever said that to you? It hurts. It’s disparaging. It’s a complete dismissal of your feelings and a grand way of being told to shut up. I’m not saying that this was the father’s attitude in this parable. What I am suggesting is that the older son’s erroneous perception triggered his angst. It wasn’t the younger son’s feast or the forgiveness of the father that stirred his anger. Those things by themselves were good things for him to enjoy, too. The real issue was the filter in which the older son perceived his circumstance because he didn’t already know his value. He didn’t know his value, because he didn’t really know his father. In a reversed situation, the father undoubtedly would have done the same for him. “Whatever you do for one child, you have to do for the other.”

The way this story is postured puts so much emphasis on the lost son and his return that the attitude of the older brother isn’t one in which we immediately relate. That is, until we’ve felt slighted. Then our empathy for him sets in. Our Western culture entitles us to that. We’re justified to fold our arms, look away and refuse to go into a party that clearly isn’t for us. The thought of doing such a thing would just be absurd. Right? But when I think about my own siblings, that attitude would never have surfaced because even though it was not my turn, per se, to be celebrated, I always knew that I could be and would be celebrated. I had no doubt that my parents gave equally to us even if it was in different ways and at different times. My best friend said it to me this way—the older brother still had his inheritance; he just hadn’t experienced it yet.

In our own impatience to want what we feel is rightfully ours, we can easily forget that God does not withhold anything from us. If we know Him…if we really, really know Him, we would know our value to Him. We would know that he celebrates over us while we are with Him and he celebrates over us when we fall astray and return to Him. We would know that His love is far-reaching to all of us and He has freely given the same benefits to all of His children. So what really is our problem? If we look closely, there isn’t one.