Today marks two months since my dad died. It still sucks. It still hurts. I still cry like it just happened. I feel angry at nothing in particular. I'm annoyed by triviality. And I don't want anyone quoting Scriptures to me because guess what? It doesn't help. And, no, I don't mean that I've turned my back on my faith. It means just let me feel my pain. It's normal. Good grief.
While there have been instances where I've wanted to do a facepalm with my hand on someone else's face because of their incompetent attempt at sympathy, there have been exponentially more times where I experienced the surprise of thoughtfulness in places where I least expected it. And also in ways that I didn't realize it would bring me so much comfort. These are the things that I define as "good grief."
CHILDHOOD FRIENDS
Seeing, hearing from and receiving cards, emails and Facebook posts from my childhood friends--way back from when I was barely in kindergarten to elementary to junior high to high school and to college. Back in those days, my parents knew all of my friends. Seeing some of them at the wake, the funeral, the burial and all of the days in between and since then, made me feel their love for my dad, too.
GRAD SCHOOL/REGENT FRIENDS
Y'all know who you are. You're in a category by yourself!
MY CRAZY COUSINS
We hardly see each other because we're spread out all over the place, but your genuine love and deep respect for my dad as the patriarch binds us together and keeps us close. Reunion anyone?
RANDOM SPOT CHECKS
Because everyday is different, the randomness of friends sending me a note, text or voicemail message always seems to come at just the right time. And thanks for not expecting me to respond right away.
THOUGHTFULNESS TOWARD MY MOM, SIBLINGS, BIL, HUSBAND AND KIDS
Thanks for caring enough to ask how they are doing as well. I sincerely appreciate those that ask how my husband and my brother-in-law are doing. Even I sometimes forget how much they are mourning, too. That kind of thoughtfulness goes beyond.
LIKING MY FACEBOOK POSTS
When you "like" a post I make about my dad, I feel like you acknowledge my need to keep his memory alive.
THE SILENT NOD OF UNDERSTANDING
This is mostly from those who have experienced the death of a loved one, too. No words needed. The hugs and the looks of "I know" are of great comfort.
THE HONEST "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, BUT I'M HERE" FOLKS
Refreshing! That's all I can say. Just letting me know you're there is plenty and much appreciated.
THE SHEDDING OF TEARS
When I share something about my dad and the other person starts crying...man, that moves me! Such tender hearts.
THE TOUGH GUYS (AND GALS)
Kind of like THE SILENT NOD OF UNDERSTANDING, but a little different. They know what's happened, but they don't really say anything about it. They let me talk if I have to and listen. And they transition well to keep carrying the conversation with no awkwardness. That's a gift and an art.
Interesting...I started out writing in a funk. But now that I've meditated on the kindness I've received from so many people, I feel much better. Good grief. :)
